my brain wanted me dead
i did not comply

my mind wanted to stop
i did not comply

my body relived
those days
    after days

i learned why
i wanted to die

No, uncle,

I will not comply.

No, I will not let the uncle win. He will not get the satisfaction of my death.

Five years later the discovery, I have an extraordinary counselor.
We exhumed more memories.
So many childhood casualties were
buried under the layers of my life.

I've learned that my thoughts are not me.
I practice new ways of thinking and smooth out distortions.
I'm gaining strength and knowledge to pull myself out of the tar.
It does yank me backwards,
but progress is possible with
the lifelines I've been given.

After a lifetime without a partner,
I am now with a man whom I love and trust.
I now have goals beyond survival.